The Grief Cycle.

[ Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is a Swiss Psychiatrist. Here I have tried to illustrate one of her complex psyche theory from her famous treatise ‘Death and Dying’ with a real life example- DrRkm ]

Stage-1. …DENIAL
It was a December night, 18 years ago. I was on duty at the hospital that night. In the morning as I finished my shift, I left a sample of fasting blood, my own at the lab before leaving the hospital. That evening I collected my report. 297. Two hundred and Ninety seven.
I shook my head in disbelief. It couldn’t be. The lab Superintendent was also shocked.

Stage-2. …ANGER
Next day I repeated the test. And several times after that. I was labeled a diabetic at 35. This time I was plain angry. Angry with everyone. Angry with God. I’m only 35. No one in my family has Diabetes. I’m not overweight. I’ve no such vices that can cause Diabetes. Oh God! Why me ?

Stage-3. …BARGAINING
By this time my wife has started her rounds of bargaining with all the gods in our Puja room, and all the temples known to her, in her place, in my place and our previous places of work. But there was hardly any hope of reversal.
… …
After all the Denials, all the Anger and the Bargaining, now I was convinced that I had to live with this enemy for the rest of my life.

Stage-4. …DEPRESSION
I painfully remembered all the complications of Diabetes I had mastered to get my degree, and felt the futility of all the talks that I had given to my patients till then. I lost my sound sleep, my appetite and rang up a friend who was in the medical college. He said, “Don’t worry, 30% of the newly diagnosed diabetic do need professional help. You have Depression.”

Stage-5. …ACCEPTANCE
One fine morning, I heard a beautiful bird singing. It was the first time after a year I had slept nicely and woke up early. It was yet another December morning. As I treaded lightly on the pearl like dews on the gorgeous green grass, suddenly I had this grand idea.
” Why not me ? After all, I’m a doctor. I know the challenges ahead in this disease. I can afford all the treatment. If it’s not me, who else of the 120 crores Indian does qualify to defend this challenge better ?”

That day I accepted Diabetes as my friend and started planning for my future. That day had come to terms with my nemesis.

… …
From ” Why me” to ” Why not me” it took me one full year.

This is a cycle described as the “Grief Cycle” by Elisabeth Kübler Ross ( Ekrfoundation.org ).

A death or any serious loss in our life needs successful negotiation of all the steps to reach the last one- Acceptance. Failure at any stages leads to all the psychiatric problem or even suicide.

The steps are

1. DENIAL

2. ANGER

3. BARGAINING

4. DEPRESSION

5. ACCEPTANCE in that order.

Although each individual will require different lengths of time for each stage, yet these have been more or less the five basic steps to heal on engagement with a death or loss. You need not experience all of the stages to heal.